Theodore's World: Gitmo Beach Vacation Resort

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April 21, 2006

Gitmo Beach Vacation Resort

Is the sound of daisy cutters keeping you up all night?
Are you tired of sleeping in that cold dark cave wondering if and when you will ever eat again?
Did the boss skip town and leave you holding the bag?
Is the Northern Alliance causing you more grief than camel hairs in your milk?


We have just the thing for you!

Gitmo Resorts in collaboration with the US military is proud to offer this once in a lifetime opportunity. If you are or have been a member in good standing with either the Taliban or Al Qaeda then you could be the lucky recipient of a luxurious vacation in beautiful Guantanamo Bay Cuba .

To see if you qualify, simply visit one of the US Marine detachments located conveniently near your cave. If you are selected then you will be whisked away in one of our finest, state of the art, transport planes. Upon arrival at the Gitmo Resort you will be pampered beyond your wildest dreams.

Worried about what to wear? No problem! We will furnish you with a brand new wardrobe at our expense. We will even provide plenty of hot water for showers that were at one time only a dream for you and your buddies.


You can forget about sleeping on the hard ground of that cave with barely a blanket to cover you. All of our guests sleep on top quality mattresses while enjoying the comforts of a modern climate controlled environment.

You will be the envy of all your friends back in Afghanistan as you relax in a tropical paradise and eat three square meals a day.

Worried about security? No need to worry about that. Our armed guards will be with you 24/7.

You can forget about that pesky Northern Alliance and devote all of your attention to Allah. We will even provide signs that point the way to Mecca .

Just listen to what Amhad "The Goat" Rushoubi is saying about his stay at the resort.

"I joined Al Qaeda after a blind date in Kabul went terribly wrong. I thought the Al Qaeda would give me a sense of fulfillment. After many months of living in the cold with very little to eat, I decided to try the Gitmo Getaway package."
"It was more than a pleasant surprise to see real Fruit Loops for the first time. They taste so much better than month old goat cheese."
"The people here think of everything. Some of the security people are women who do not cover their faces! I got very excited when I saw them."

Need we say more?

If you think you might qualify for this incredible opportunity then walk, don't run, to the nearest American military unit near your cave. Be sure to specify the American plan as other offers might leave you eating grass in a wooden cage.

Sign up today before this offer expires. Some restrictions apply.

(Offer good for a limited time only to members of Al Qaeda or the Taliban. You must be actively engaged in military actions or conspiracies against the United States . Some recipients of this offer may be required to wear shackles at the discretion of the military hosts. Length of stay subject to immediate termination by military tribunal, legalaction, repatriation or firing squad.)

Posted by Wild Thing at April 21, 2006 01:27 AM


That’s funny but it’s true in all senses of the word. The prisoners at Gitmo receive better food and medical care than many US Citizens. I wonder if their going to turn the toilets like the Brits did?

Posted by: BobF at April 21, 2006 07:25 AM

Oh my gosh Bob hahahahaaha
If a prisoner requested or demanded that and I was in charge I would tell them they can have less water and rice but no turning the toilets around.

It just never ends. Thank you for the link. Good find Bob.

Posted by: Wild Thing at April 21, 2006 09:47 AM

Wow, sitting around the pool with a Coors, para-sailing, snorkeling, cooking a mongoose over the coals, listening to Bob Marley. That's the life. Where do I sign up?

Posted by: Rhod at April 21, 2006 09:18 PM

Rhod, giggle life's a beach. heh heh

Posted by: Wild Thing at April 22, 2006 12:15 AM

The Brits legal system is a mess, I think it was in 2004, the US released 5 terrorist suspects from Gitmo into British custody. The Brit government had to turn them loose in the UK, the goernment could not make a case for interning the 5. The British tax payers now shell out 1 million pounds sterling on each terrorist for law enforcemnet surveilance. That's right folks, 5 million each year since 2004.

Also interesting to note is that at the same time the US released 3 suspected terrorists to the French. The day these 3 touched French soil, they were taken to a French military prison. Under French law the government can hold terrorist suspects without charges for up to three years. They can also interrogate said suspects as much as needed to obtain information. I bet the French are not turning toilets.

Posted by: RightToCarry at April 22, 2006 06:00 AM

I bet the French aren't turning toilets either. Thanks RTC!!

Posted by: Wild Thing at April 22, 2006 11:15 AM